Building Emotional Resources
EMDR is a therapy that is unfamiliar to many people. I learned this after I returned home from my 40-hour training and was met with “What is that?” and “Is that legal?” To be clear: yes, it is legal. To answer the other question: EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It was developed by Francine Shapiro in 1987 by happenstance. That is, Dr. Shapiro noticed one day when walking outside that when her eyes rapidly moved from side to side, she no longer felt the intensity of the distressing memories that she was thinking about. It took many years and extensive research to land us where we are today with EMDR being one of the most effective therapies for anxiety, trauma, depression, and much more. Now that is a gross oversimplification of what has actually happened and gives no justice to Dr. Shapiro’s work as well as many others who have dedicated their careers to this approach to therapy; however, it does give us a nice, brief look into how it began.
For those who are unfamiliar with EMDR, including myself before training, EMDR isn’t all taps, tones, and eye movements. To my surprise (and delight) there is far more to the process. There are 8 steps or phases that comprise the EMDR process with the actual “processing” only taking up about half of those. But before the processing can even begin, I have learned that something far simpler must occur. We call this resourcing.
What exactly is resourcing? Well, to answer that question, it might be easier to take a step back and think about traditional talk therapy for a minute. When I think about traditional talk therapy, I think of an aged, elderly man in a cardigan taking notes on his leather-lined notebook (i.e. me in a few years) and nodding his head. Further than that, there is the element of advice-giving and coping skill learning. Coping skills could range from reframing thoughts and talking to a friend to distraction techniques such as watching TV or playing video games. There are infinite coping skills that people can use in infinite situations but most share a certain quality: they are reactive. We use them after we are feeling stress, anger, sadness, or any number of other big emotions that arise.
When resourcing, we build resources that are specifically designed to create positive emotional experiences. This is something wholly different from coping skills in that they are meant to be a proactive skill used by individuals not to respond to emotions but to create positive ones. For some this is easy, but for many it can be much more difficult in practice. I often tell clients that as with sports where you attend practice most or every day of the week in order to get ready for the game/match/meet, you must practice the skills that you learn to be able to use them when they will matter most. Whether a coping skill or a resource, it is important to teach our brains through practice how to act in situations otherwise we will do what we have always done.
Part of the training that I attended on the basics of EMDR allowed me to sit as a client going through the eight phases. When we approached resourcing, one that stuck out to me was Positive Relational Resource. As I explain this, I invite you to follow along. First, think of a time when you have felt safe with someone. Not just physically safe but mentally and emotionally safe as well. Now think of this specific memory in detail using each of your senses. What are you seeing in your mind? What sounds and smells fill the room? Do you feel your feet on the ground or the warm embrace of your family/friend? There are no wrong answers; every detail is important to helping you feel the emotions of the memory. When you feel that you have a vivid picture in your mind’s eye, take a second to notice what sensations are coming up in your body? What emotions are you feeling? Are you feeling lighter? Less tense? Maybe calmer?
When working with a therapist, they may at this point insert bilateral stimulation (taps, tones, eye movements) to help you to build the positive pathways in your brain. As you continue to practice this exercise and those like it, bringing up this resource and the related sensations will become faster and easier. But, as with anything in life worth your time, this takes hard work.
“It’s not often in our fast-paced society that we take the time out of our day to ourselves and even more rare is to intentionally create a positive internal experience.”
What was this experience like? It’s not often in our fast-paced society that we take the time out of our day to ourselves and even more rare is to intentionally create a positive internal experience. Is it awkward? Yes. Is it unnatural? Also, yes. But that is exactly why it is so important to practice it on a daily basis in order to create the neural pathways in our brains that allow us to use this skill and build a more adaptive way of approaching the world. That is where the Adaptive Information Processing Model comes into play. But that is a topic for another time…
Anyway, there is something to be said about our ability to create positive emotions within ourselves. Until we take the time to actually do it, it may not be obvious that we do have this ability to change our mental/emotional state. A way that you can practice building this resource muscle is to think of something mildly disturbing: someone cut you in line, you have to stay a few minutes later at work, etc. Now bring up the positive relational resource. Notice the shift that happens in your body. The idea is that we have control over our emotions, not the other way around.
I don’t expect anyone to come away from this feeling like they have conquered life and have mastered emotions. However, if you feel like you got anything from this exercise or are interested in EMDR, I would encourage you to find a therapist who can guide you through the process.
If you live in Indiana, we at Keylight Counseling can help. Both Evan Szewczyk and I (Antonio) are training in EMDR and can provide this therapy for individuals who would be a good fit. Find out more on our individual pages! Until next time, I encourage you to practice this resource!